Yield: One huge batch of humbug.
Serves: No one, nothing, nada.
Ingredients:
- 2 library trustees with faulty memories
- 1 library trustee who cannot spell
- 2 library trustees with poor math skills
- 2 grandiose library trustees
- 1 megalomaniacal library trustee
- 1 comotose trustee
- 8 indifferent, distracted, or in absentia library trustees
Note: Be sure ingredients are contemptuous and abusive of library directors, suspicious of library
staff, and chronically unwilling to locate a nickel in extra funding or staffing for public library services.
Directions:
- Mix all ingredients thoroughly at least once a month.
- Add regular infusions—in roughly equal and generous portions—of arrogance, presumption, rudeness,
self-indulgence, self-interest, paranoia, high-handedness, and unvarnished ignorance.
- Add a dash of hypocrisy.
After waiting three seconds, alternately marvel and tremble at the spectacle of what rises up before you.
Warning: The malodorous gases arising immediately and permanently from the resulting noxious
brew is known to paralyze potentially benign trustees; is highly toxic to library employees and heartbreakingly
wasteful of their time and energies; and will annoy increasingly larger portions of the hapless library-using
public.
This product can be used as an excellent donor-repellent.
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