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Autre Temps, Les Meme Moeurs
Or, Another Retirement, as modeled on the Official Farewell to Ms. Garnes |
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Date: April 30, 45 B.C.
From: Marcus Junius Brutus and Caius Cassius
To: The Roman Populace
Dear Romans:
One of our most dedicated and publicly visible statesmen has chosen to
retire from public life after 30 years of service to the empire, the
Senate and the Roman people. Yes, the renowned Julius Caesar, Imperator
and dictator for life, is taking a well-earned opportunity to rest on
his laurels (literally). His achievements are too well known for us to
list here: just rest assured that they were both dedicated and publicly
visible, and probably a lot of other good things as well. They must
have been, since, after all, they spanned 30 years. We know, for
example, that he made camp many times in Gaul, all of which were
highly visible. The thousands of public crucifixions were also probably
visible, certainly to those most intimately involved. There is also the
undeniable fact that he crossed the Rubicon, although we are unable to
say whether that was, in fact, a Good Thing.
Reports that Caesar was on Absens Familia et Medicina were
somewhat premature, although at our last meeting on the steps of the
Senate, I noticed he looked distinctly unwell after he ran into Cassius
and myself.
Should Caesar prove unable to pull the knives out of his back, I know
all of you, plebians and patricians alike, will join us in wishing him
the success he deserves as he prepares to cross the River Styx.
Ave Caesar!!!
Read another response to the announcement of Garnes's retirement
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